If you love fabulous gays and witty quips, this may be the book for you. Technically, there aren't even any gays involved - just three main male characters who spend all of their time brunching, going to the theater, and doling out compliments on one another's attractiveness and charm. You're not fooling anyone, Oscar Wilde.
Robert? Edward? Dorian? Congratulations on your face.
With Basil constantly reminding him how hot he is, Dorian nurtures a growing narcissism. Obsessed with a fear of aging, he becomes wildly jealous of the portrait Basil has painted, and expresses a desire to stay young forever. Through some unexplained mysticism his wish is granted; as the years drag on, the face on the portrait wrinkles and sags while its real-life model remains the same. The portrait does not only represent his aging process, however - for every sin Dorian commits, the face on the portrait reflects the visible signs of wickedness and immorality. Horrified and fascinated, Dorian hides the incriminating painting in an attic room so no one can discover the truth of his debaucherous ways.
Well fuck, I'd fall in love with that portrait too. Just sayin'.
At times, it seems like The Picture of Dorian Gray is less about plot, and more about Wilde amassing as many pithy quotes as possible in 190 pages - most of them uttered by the wanton Lord Henry, who proves himself a corrupting influence on the young Dorian. The wit, usually, is in the paradox: Henry utters lines like "I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world," and "as for believing things, I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible."
The quips that really resonate, though, are the ones that manage to amuse at the same time that they force confrontation with less savory realities. One of my favorites, courtesy of Lord Henry: "There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up." So true. I'm always impressed when authors manage to capture such seemingly complex feelings in so few words, but that sentence perfectly encapsulates an emotion I have all too often - a sense of wanting to keep something around just because it would be worse to see it in the hands of someone else. Hoard much? I also loved "Women defend themselves by attacking, just as they attack by strange and sudden surrenders." Damn, Oscar. For a dude, you're sure good at thinking like bitches.
The last couple of quotes I'll share with you spoke to a topic I've discussed here before, in the Sense and Sensibility post: the offense of the basic bitch (or, since Oscar Wilde is apparently more equal-opportunity in his side-eyeing, basic people in general). The tedium of interacting with truly uninteresting people makes me much more willing to excuse the flaws and red flags of interesting ones. I'd rather be friends with an entertaining asshole than a saint who never offers me anything novel or challenging. Per Henry, "I never take any notice of what common people say, and I never interfere with what charming people do." Accurate.
The corollary to the crime of being basic is the crime of living in a basic environment and not aspiring or attempting to remove yourself from it. Having spent my adolescence in a small Midwestern town that espoused conservative, rural values that were never in line with my big-city aspirations, my immediate post-collegiate goal was to relocate to the East Coast in search of a more hilarious, tragic, and awkward life. Once again, Lord Henry has my back:
"My dear boy," said Lord Henry, smiling, "anybody can be good in the country. There are no temptations there. That is the reason why people who live out of town are so absolutely uncivilized. Civilization is not by any means an easy thing to attain to. There are only two ways by which man can reach it. One is by being cultured, the other by being corrupt. Country people have no opportunity of being either, so they stagnate."
Related: I'm pretty sure Lord Henry would feel like he's dyin' in this fucked-up, country-ass town.
Nearly two years after vacating Michigan, I'm proud to say that I am becoming moderately cultured, and only occasionally corrupt. Who wants to join me?
